Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
