I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
