I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
