found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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