Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
