I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
