i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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