If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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