I want to have your abortion
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
