he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
