Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
