Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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