Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
