allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
