how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
