On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
