I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
