I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
