mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
