Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
