Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So many bounce houses so little time
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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