why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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