three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
