Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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