pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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