I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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