I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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