i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She even gives head with a lisp.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
