We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
