I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
