Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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