i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize