My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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