I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
