Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
