if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Randomize
