So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize