You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
