Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
