So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
