How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
