Please, let me fuck your mom
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
