I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
