do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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