Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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