i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
