If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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