can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Text me some of your sweat
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize