Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
