Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
