i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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