You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize