Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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