Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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