i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
