I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
