Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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