the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
