TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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