Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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