New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
