I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
