And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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