yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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