Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
