Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
