and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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