i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
