first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
