im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
