i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
