I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
