What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize