Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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