I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
