I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
