from now on my penis is your penis
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
