I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
