Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He has the fingertips of a God
His nipple licking is glorious
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