Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
