so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
