It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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