In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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