I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
