He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
