I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
